I have a very vivid memory of the first time I realized just how much weight I had gained since I started the second golden year. I was doing really good! My blood sugar numbers were somewhat stable. I wasn’t exactly eating the healthiest but I was accounting for what I ate and feeling good. I joked about having to shop at the big girl store, but didn’t realize how big I had become. I was bent over putting lotion on my leg when I got really up close and personal with my thigh. When did that get so big? I started investigating what used to be the tiny body of an irresponsible diabetic. My little belly roll had become a lot bigger. I looked in the mirror; my face was a lot more round. Who was this person? I decided to buy a scale and when I brought it home I was certainly not prepared for what it told me. I cried. What the hell?
That was the day I decided that something had to change. I had a few friends that were into fitness, and I asked their advice. I starting making healthy nutrition choices and exercising at the gym in my condo building. A friend of mine told me about a boot camp his friend was looking to start up. My mom and I started going together. Once on his program I started seeing results quite quickly and I felt great. I had to reassess my diabetes management at this point as exercise burns off your blood sugar naturally (don’t get me wrong, insulin in still required, just less of it). I had to come to boot camp with back up sugars, and bring a healthy snack for after we were done.
So I was losing weight, eating healthy and feeling great, but there was one problem. I was having an insane amount of lows. They happened hours after I had finished exercising, usually in the early hours of the morning. I would wake up drenched, and searching for anything with sugar in it. The fear of those lows kept me from sleeping for months, maybe even years. I had really bad anxiety about falling asleep and not waking up. I would let my blood sugar go a little higher before bed so that I could sleep. I tried everything to help me sleep: no caffeine after 9am, melatonin before bed, reduced screen time, reading. Nothing worked. Over the course of 3 years I lost 50 lbs. It was a lot of hard work at the gym, and meal prep and a little bit of elevated blood sugar. I didn’t consciously factor that in and I was still trying to keep my sugars at a reasonable level.
At this time in my life, I had just moved and started a new relationship. I got busier with life and started getting the gym less. Because I had reduced my insulin for how much I was working out before, I had some trouble with my blood sugar again when I was exercising less. They aren’t excuses, and I hold myself fully accountable for falling off the wagon again. I just feel like it’s important to talk about the anxiety of dealing with diabetes, and how easy it is to fall off for any reason. The good news is that through a series of events, my 8 year old step-daughter came to live with us and suddenly it wasn’t just about me anymore. I had other people that relied on me, and needed me to take care of myself so that I could take care of them. I was able to get back on track before another hospital stay. We started eating more regularly, more home cooked meals, and going to bed at a reasonable time.
I recently met with a new therapist through the diabetes education clinic, who showed me a time line of my lab work over the last 10 years or so. I had long periods of missed appointments and blood work, and then suddenly in 2014 it showed a dot every 3 months indicating I had done my lab work and went to my doctors appointments, I felt relieved, and was proud of myself for getting back on track all on my own. I remember waking up one morning and thinking I had to get my life together. So I just did it.
So again I ask, how did we get here to this blog? What does this have to do with Kari’s Kidney? Remember when I said to make as many good choices as you can? Even if you mess it up, just get back up and keep on trying? It’s a lesson I learned too late in life, and all of those ugly years caught up to me at the end of 2014. I will not beat myself up about how I got here. I want to share my sick years and how they’ve helped shape me into the woman I am today.
Kari's Kidney 