A few days after I returned to the hospital, they had to remove my pancreas. That surgery was on October 5, only 23 days after I became a non diabetic. I was septic. The first sign that there was something seriously wrong, I was hallucinating that my kids had been kidnapped. In this false vision, I was the only one who could save them, and no one would let me leave or unplug my IV’s. The nursing staff had to call my parents at 2am to come and try and calm me down.
I remember bits of pieces of my hallucinations, that I think lasted about 10 days. I scolded my son for not sitting up straight, while buttering a blanket so he could have some lunch. He was so pale, and I was trying to take pictures of him so he could see how pale he was. I later scrolled through my camera roll on my phone and wondered why I had dozens of pictures of a blood pressure monitor.
I’ve heard from others that had seen me in that state, and I guess those stories aren’t really mine to share. I only remember some of them, and I think I have some vague recollection of some of the things that were really happening. I remember sitting on stretcher outside of the operating room waiting for them to put me under to find the cause of my infection. I was awake for days, and they tried to give me Ativan to calm me down, but it made me worst. I became violent and belligerent. I wasn’t scared because I didn’t’ know what was going on, but I’m sure it was cause for concern for my family.
They had consulted with psych who would come down and talk to me. By the second or third visit, I knew their routine. They would come in, and ask if I new where I was.
My name is Kari. I am at the foothills hospital in room ####. I had a kidney transplant. I haven’t had a hallucination in 3 days.
The doctor would look at my mom or corroborate my story. She would shake her head. They would consult in the hallway.
Things were not looking good. I would spend hours looking up at the ceiling, trying to keep my bed from floating. Some of my hallucinations were calming, like flying over the beaches of Mexico, but some were scary and had me screaming and shouting through the night. I don’t think I realized at the time, or even now, how dangerously close to death. To know that my family was there every day even if I wasn’t, makes my heart swell. I don’t know what would have happened if I didn’t subconsciously know they were there advocating for me (NO MORE ATIVAN!).
So the new kidney is functioning well, but what the hell have you done to me? Obviously I made it through so I could share some of these stories with you, but missing days upon days of my life still messes with my head from time to time. It was a really long few weeks of hell for those who were following my journey real time. Even though I made it through those weeks, I was still far from going home healthy. We’re still only halfway through my hospital journey.
Kari's Kidney 