It Caught Up To Me

If you read my last post, you will have read about an irresponsible young lady playing with fire. Well, it did catch up to me in June 2007. The following story was one of the worst 24 hours of my life up until that point.

I woke up not really feeling well that Saturday. I had to work, and then had plans to see a band at a small bar in a small town with my now ex-boyfriend. I learned from a young age that if I was too sick to go to school then I was too sick to go out and play after school (or in this case, work). So I dragged myself to the office. I can’t really describe how I was feeling. Just not well. I had no appetite. I could feel my heartbeat throughout my whole body. I was so thirsty, but couldn’t stomach any liquids. I had a dull ache in my kidney region. My boss at the time was nice enough to let me do some easy work that day, but honestly I spent most of the day with my face on the cool surface of my desk. The only thing that seemed to ease the pain was Aleve (fast forward – not a kidney friendly drug).

I made it through my shift and headed out of town. When I arrived at my destination, we decided to walk over to the bar so we could have a few drinks and not have to worry about getting home. We stopped on our way to get a coffee, and something to spike it. The effects of that one drink hit me hard. The walk home was about 4 kms and I don’t know how I did it. I had no energy. My heart was beating so fast. I was sick the whole way. We somehow made it back, and it felt good to lay down. I was still sick, and tossed and turned all night.

In the morning I tried to eat an apple, but couldn’t stomach it. I was going to my parents house that day and on the 20 minute drive there I pulled over more than once to be sick. When I got there, my parents knew something was wrong. I told them I was hung over and needed to go lay down. I did not have a blood glucose monitor with me, so my parents went to get one for me. I tried to fall asleep, but still couldn’t get my heart to slow down. I started to hyperventilate. Ok, something was really wrong.

I made my way back upstairs. Through gasps of air – Dad? Mom? I think I need to go to the hospital. Off we went. I needed to be escorted to the car as I could barely walk.

Admitting nurse: what brings you in today?

Me: I’m having *gasp* trouble *gasp* breathing

Mom: And?

Me: oh, and my heart *gasp* is beating *gasp* really fast.

Mom: AND?

Me: I’ve been *gasp* throwing up *gasp* for the last *gasp* 24 hours

Admitting nurse: Is that it?

Me: I think *gasp* so.

Mom: YOU ARE A DIABETIC

Me: oh yes, I am *gasp* a diabetic.

We were brought into a room right away. To be honest, I don’t remember much else from that day. I felt ashamed. How could I let it get this bad? I couldn’t look my parents in the eye.

It’s called diabetic ketoacidosis or DKA. When your blood sugar is so high that it’s poisoning you. When your blood is thick with extra glucose, it affects all your small blood vessels. It’s how you lose feeling in your feet, and your vision gets blurry, and your kidneys stop filtering properly. It’s a terrible feeling and I am glad to say that was my only episode. I’ve read in my support groups that it happens to some people more frequently and it makes my heart ache. I spent only 2 nights in hospital, and left with a new prescription for my insulin and test strips, a new referral to my endocrinologist and my diabetes education nurse. I was going to do it right this time.

Let me tell you something that I’ve learned that applies to so many aspects of life. It’s never too late. It’s never too late to do the right thing. I would think to myself that I was such a “bad diabetic” yesterday (or this week, or this year), and there’s no point in even trying now. Today’s a write off. That is a horrible cycle that’s really hard to stop. If you’ve made some bad choices, don’t get discouraged. Make the next choice a good one. Keep on making as many of your choices as good as you can and it will get easier. You’ll see. This time for sure it will be different.